Youngblood Strikefile - A Review

Well lookee here!  Something I can actually "review".

Next on my whirlwind tour of the Youngblood Universe was Youngblood: Strikefile.  I caught onto this formula pretty quick: it's a Marvel Fanfare-type vignette/short story magazine where multitudes of creators take on a small story each highlighting a character.  Each character's arc may span one or more issues in total, although they probably won't reach more than 22 pages when complete.  At least this is a format I'm familiar with, if not a complete fan of the concept.

In my experience, only Teen Titans: Spotlight really ever worked for me in this format, but maybe that's because I already always knew the characters being "spotlighted".  Since Youngblood Volume 1 left me with almost NO information about the individual members of the team, perhaps this series would help "dial-in" a few traits that were purposely ignored in the main book.

As I review, I might as well break them down by STORY, rather than issue.  Of course, some were better than others. Few were actually drawn by Liefeld, although the guy made sure to get his "creator" credit in every issue.

If I had to choose, I'd say the Badrock and Masada stories were the strongest, because I actually learned a little bit about them.  Of course, I STILL have no idea what comic Masada's from, but at least I know her a little better.  Next would be the first Chapel story.  It certainly runs the longest, but what keeps it from being on the top of my list is that it has way more to do with Spawn than Youngblood.  Finally, in 4th place, I'd rank the Knight Sabre story.  It's ridiculous, it's "eXtreme", but it least it's what I expected.  Here's the breakdown.  Enjoy.

-----------

**Chapel**
Issues: 1-3
Story: Chapel recalls one of his early missions with Al Simmons (later Spawn) and Duke (no idea), as they attempt to assassinate some guy called Giger in a plan modestly named "Operation: Knightstrike".  Giger escapes, and Chapel kills Duke for some sort of treasonous behavior that I'm not too clear on, and they report back to shadowy government G-man Jason Wynn.  Fast-forward 5 years, and Wynn has hired Giger to kill CHAPEL.  Only, when confronted, Giger decides to tell Chapel he's been hired by Wynn, and offers Chapel the chance to team up and take down Wynn once and for all.

Chapel decides to kill Giger and confront Wynn himself.  Nice guy, that Chapel.  Good thing Giger (and really, I'm thinking they meant "Geiger", as in "that radiation guy") is a Doombot, errr, robot.  Just an aside: I read on another website that this was "The first appearance" of Giger.  Does that mean he went on to be something in Spawn?  Whatever.

Chapel finds Wynn and threatens him at gunpoint (obviously), and is told that not only is AIDS a US government creation, but hey, Chapel, you know all those injections you've been taking over the years?  Cognrats on the HIV!!  Wynn tells him he'll give him the "cure" if he's let go.  Chapel lets him go and stalks off.  Fin.

Thoughts: If you ignore the US/AIDS accusations for a moment, the story's not half-bad.  My real complaint is that Liefeld keeps trying to wind Youngblood into the Spawn mythos.  That's a mistake.  I don't read Spawn.  I read Youngblood.  And if not for the HBO cartoon, I wouldn't know what the hell they're talking about.

Favorite lines: "Well you can rest assured that this ain't no Avon Lady callin', Giger!" - Chapel

**Die-Hard**
Issues: 1-3 (mostly as 2nd storyline)
Story: Flashback to 1944 to watch Captain America, Superman, and Wonder Woman fighting the Nazis.  Wait, what's that?  Oh right... the "Golden-Age" DieHard, SuperPatroit, and Glory.  Snap back to the present, and it turns out that the CURRENT SuperPatriot is being held captive somewhere.  DieHard ass-whups his way into the enemy base, only to find a mind-controlled SuperPatriot staring down at him.  DieHard eventually gets the upper hand... and the story is continued in Erik Larson's "SuperPatriot" comic.

Liefeld likes to change his
designs from panel to panel.
Readers really like this.

Thoughts:  Once again, the real weakness here is the tie-in with other Image books.  Look, I know they were trying to create a cohesive universe and all... but hey guys?  Try ESTABLISHING your own characters first.  At least this one had some Liefeldian art to keep me entertained.

Favorite line: "Lightning fast reflexes save me from becoming shredded beef" - DieHard

**Badrock, Shaft, and DieHard**
Issue: 4 (complete comic, done-in-one)
Story: Overtkill is in Government lockdown... for a while. He escapes, the Youngblood guys seem to contain him - that is, until his HEAD rockets off to meet... Tony Twist?

Whoopaa!

Thoughts:  Once again, if not for the HBO cartoon, I'd have no idea who the hell Overtkill and Tony Twist are. And honestly, KNOWING who they are, I still don't care.  It doesn't help that issues 6 & 7 of Spawn are referenced in the notes.  I sure hope they were giving an homage to one of my favorite movies, The Thing, with the cranial-escape plan.

Something else interesting is that in the first few pages, B(e)drock is mentioned, and then in the last few, it's B(a)drock.  Are there no editors in these fucking things?

Favorite line: "Overtkill and explosions go together like butter and popcorn" - Shaft. He gets all the good lines.

**Badrock**
Issues: 5-6
Story: Badrock is, apparently, a scientist's son, and he's being lab-ratted in the opening moments.  He's told that his powers have increased from 648% that of normal human strength to 885%.  He's told he can no longer leave the compound, and then sent to his room.  This lasts for all of one page before he busts out, harming the innocent guards outside his door, and takes to the sewers.  There, he encounters a monster who is a "former lab rat" (although it's not explicitly stated that it's Daddy Badrock's fault), and fights him for awhile.  Meanwhile, back at the lab: DieHard, Riptide, and Sentinel are sent to retrieve Badrock.  They bring him back without incident, and he's offered a spot on the Youngblood roster.

Out of the way, innocents! Badrock need Twizzlers!

Thoughts:  Umm, what?  So this takes place before Youngblood Volume 1, Issue #1?  Thanks for the heads-up, guys.  Also, I find this hysterical: the narration/recap on the first page of Issue #6 actually gives his ORIGIN (something that's been completely ignored until now).  It turns out that he was a sad kid who downed some daddy-made government potion, Which turned him into "organic stone".  Huh.  Okay.

Issue #6 also does something else fairly curious: it includes a "pin-up" of Team Youngblood.  Because I haven't yet gotten to read "Team Youngblood", I have no idea who most of the characters are.  What makes this even MORE interesting is that up until now, in Youngblood: Strikefile, they've only mentioned/featured characters from the Home and Away Teams of the flagship Youngblood book.

Hey!  Aren't you... nevermind.

**Combat**
Issue: 5 (backup story)
Story:  Maybe I didn't mention this before, but Youngblood Volume 1, although only showing Combat for an issue or two, established that he was an alien, and that he was a warrior.  This story is said to take place in Combat's past, even though he still has a gray beard, and there's nothing to indicate, other than the one narration box, that there's anything "old" about the tale.  It's blessedly short, and deals with him searching some Kettelan (his race's) temple, meeting some completely different alien female character, and fighting her.

Thoughts: Having only seen the character "Photon" in a few background shots of the flagship title, I really thought he was meeting her in this backstory.  I thought that was cool, two characters knowing each other BEFORE they were thrown together on a team.  But then Combat killed whoever-it-was by throwing his staff like a javelin and impaling her.  I guess it wasn't Photon after all.  As you may have guessed, this was one of the weaker stories in the series.

Tall? Or of Liefeldian proportions?

**Masada**
Issue: 6 (backup story)
Story: Masada is Israeli.  She is strong and can grow to giant size.  Her first name is Deborah.  She stops an assassination.  Yeah, not much to this one...

Thoughts: I had never heard of, nor seen, Masada before, so I was generally interested to find out more about her.  I'm guessing she's on Team Youngblood.  Anyway, there wasn't much to learn here.  In the opening pages, she's training in some government facility and is approached by a Mossad (Israeli CIA) agent.  She hates the Mossad.  I find this curious because her name is "Masada".  While certainly the spelling is different, isn't it weird that she chose an alias so close to an organization she despised.  I guess that would be like me choosing the name "KKKannonball".  The other thing that made me smile in this story was how long it took me to realize she had size-based powers.  Even though Liefeld didn't draw it, I thought maybe her "hugeness" was the artist trying to replicate Rob's awful character perspectives.  Silly me.  She's huge.

Similarities? Nah...

***DieHard (again)***
Issue: 7 (main story)
Story: DieHard is given space armor upgrades and sent to an orbiting space station to check out some Katellan sarcophagus, which opens in front of him to reveal a savage beastie called "Kar'nge".  Kar'nge actually "destroys" DieHard, but luckily his head is able to rocket off of his shoulders at the last minute and detonate the space station, ridding the universe of another potential threat.

Thoughts: Wha-huh?  First of all, it looks like I wasn't as far off as I thought I was with my Youngblood #0 assumption that DieHard was

Rockem' Sockem' DieHard!  Very convenient.

 the "Iron Man" of the team.  They just strap some familiar-looking space armor onto him and fire him off into space.  And although Combat makes a small appearance in this issue, I don't think it's necessarily made clear why HE wasn't being sent up to investigate the artifact from HIS homeworld.  I guess that's why he's called "Combat" and not "Detective".  And finally, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!  DieHard's head ejects from his body and flies off into space?  Not only is that a rip-off of the story where the Home Team fought Overtkill (only 3 issues ago), but it's JUST PLAIN DUMB.

**BJ Troll**
Issue: 7 (backup story)
Story: Not much to say here.  Our buddy Troll is, given what befalls him, in an Irish bar on Saint Patrick's Say (it's not abundantly clear, because the story points out he's speaking Norwegian), and gets attacked by three Leprechauns called.... ready?... "The Ex-'Chauns".  They fight, they pun, the story ends.

Review: As simple as the story reads in summary, this is one of the most confusing in the entire series.  First of all, when the Leprechauns jump Troll, they're RED.  On the next page, they're GREEN.  I actually thought he was being surrounded by two sets of wee folk.  Then he calls them "The Three Musketeers - Pothos, Athos, and Aramis".  This particularly bothered me because PORTHOS is a Musketeer.  Fortunately, some editor made sure it was correct LATER in the issue.  It turns out they're the "Ex-'Chauns", and their names are Cormac the Cannon, Brendan the Blade, and Angus the Archer.  But one of them is a ninja.  This whole BJ Troll, wisecracking-little-person-thing seems very ill-contrived.  You can't just give a little person Wolverine-hair, make him a wise-cracker, and then expect him to become an instant success.  But that's what Rob did.  Or rather, attempted.

**Crypt** **Dutch** **Shaft**


**Crypt**
Issue: 8 - There are 3 standalone stories in issue 8, and since they're all five pages long, it makes sense to group them all together
Story:  Crypt?  Who the hell is Crypt?  This is only a 5-page story, and supposedly kicks off a crossover between comics "Bloodstrike", "Prophet", and "eXtreme Sacrifice".  The only problem is, none of those stories have really anything to do with Youngblood.

Crypt!  ...Crypt?

**Dutch**
Story: Dutch?  Who the hell is Dutch?  Maybe he's on Team Youngblood?  I think he's some sort of Robocop who's dropped off in the jungle, and attacked by some jungle creature.  I think he dies at the end.  The art was very Kirby-esque, which wasn't all that great, but bears mention.

**Shaft**
Story: FINALLY!  Youngblood's Home Team leader!  ...on a glider?  This story is narrated by a passerby, as Shaft foils some sort of hostage situation.  but the narrator is OUTSIDE of the building, which means he isn't privy to much, if any, of the action.  Also, there's a really weird Superman reference shoe-horned in for absolutely no reason.

Dutch   -   Shaft   -   Superman?

Thoughts:  EASILY the weakest issue of the series.  It doesn't even seem like it belongs in Youngblood: Strikefile

When two ripoff characters
collide, the only winners are US.

**Knight Sabre**
Issues: 9-10
Story: WarWolf is at a casino (which we eventually are told is in Hawaii), killing every blackjack dealer that doesn't allow him to win.  Knight Sabre is dispatched to bring him in.  They fight in a hotel room, on a flying motorcycle, and in a bar, until hotel security breaks them up and kicks out Knight Sabre for "hassling their guest".  This seems to ignore the original problem of WarWolf murdering innocent people.  Oh well.

Thoughts:  Other than the cuh-RAZY ending to the story, and the revelation that Sabre's "eXtreme" bo staff also separates into some "eXtreme" nunchucks, I don't really have much to say here.  One of Liefled's Youngblood fill-in artists takes on the art duties, and since the story is so over-the-top, it seems to fit right in with the mess that was Youngblood Volume 1.

Favorite line: "D'ya know who that guest is? D'ya know how many poor souls he's savaged?" - Knight Sabre

When two cats collide...
nevermind.  That's stupid.

**Cougar**
Issues: 10-11
Story:  Cougar is visited by a guy called "King of Cats" who somehow brings Cougar to the realization that his family in Africa is in danger.  Cougar and King travel to Africa, meet up with a woman called Lynx and... you know, I just totally gave up.  Sorry about that.

Thoughts: ... I don't even know what to say.

**Chapel (again)**
Issue: 12
Story:  This issue was used as a "prelude" to the "eXtreme Sacrifice" mega-crossover, and has Chapel visit hell, meet up with Crypt (remember Crypt?), and take over what seems to be the Legion of Satan.

Thoughts: Hey, Chapel needs money just like everyone else.  I can't even IMAGINE what comes next for the crossover.

Favorite line: "I wanna be like Spawn!" - Chapel

--------------------

And there you have it!  A full overview of the very mediocre Youngblood spotlight series.  Next up, Team Youngblood!

Youngblood Volume 1 - A Review

Well, I did it.  I suffered through the first volume of Youngblood.

Here's what I knew coming into this "experience":
- It had Rob Liefeld's stink all over it
- "Youngblood" was some sort of US Government superhero team
- It never came out on time
- Brett Ratner is somehow attached to Youngblood to try to make a movie out of it.  I believe he called it, "One of the few comicbooks left with tentpole potential."  Except that it came from Brett Ratner, this is high praise indeed.

This is a review of Youngblood, Volume 1, Issues #0-10

Overall Review:  Jesus. Christ.  I don't know how I got through it.  This pretty much was my biggest fear realized: a vanity project from a guy with infinite vanity.  The story is disjointed, it crosses over with a million books, almost to the point where the main title is unreadable, and it scoops up heaps of new characters like dung and throws them against the wall hoping that some of them might stick.  Volume 1 doesn't end.  It STOPS.

The Story: Youngblood is a US government superhero team: separated into functional independent bodies like "Home", "Away", "Strikeforce" -  but all "Sub-Par".  I have to say, after reading Volume 1, the only thing I left with was a confirmation of all my original assessments.

Let's get to this, shall we?

First Impressions

***Youngblood, Vol.1, Issue #0***

Only 4 of the characters start the comic, fighting in the Gulf War: Riptide (aka Storm), Chapel (aka Punisher), DieHard (aka Iron Man), and Battlestone (aka Cable).  The only first impression I was really wrong about was Diehard.  Except for his obviously techno/organically-enhanced codpiece,  he's ALL MAN, baby - some sort of cloned Superman-type.  Well, the fight goes f.u.b.a.r. - and Battlestone is court-martialed and expelled from the group.  I thought this bit of contrivance would be used to make Battlestone some sort of evil genius bent on destroying Youngblood.  But I was wrong - he never shows his face in the comic again.

The last page introduces an almost completely different team from the original.  Thanks, Issue #0

Biggest Complaint:  On the first page, they refer to people from Iraq as "Iraquis".  Does this mean they are some sort of Arab/Native-American hybrid?  I'm sure both ethnicities would be thrilled at the combination.

Don't get used to them.
They won't be here long.

***Youngblood, Vol. 1, Issue #1***

Oh awesome, completely new characters! Thanks Liefeld!  It isn't until over half-way through the comic that I realized there were MULTIPLE Youngblood teams - Home and Away.  This is a weird choice, then, to start with the Away Team, since the pin-up at the end of #0 was the Home Team.  They're introduced either through a caption under them, or they awkwardly use their name in their first sentence.  Anyway, since the comic is split in TWO, more or less, and each team fights their own group of villains... I had a lot of trouble keeping up with who was who.  And it's not like they have different personalities, they're either "timid", "eXtreme", or "reluctant."

Favorite lines:  (a) "Keep swatting them, Brahma, creating waves in the middle of the desert takes all of my concentration" - Riptide
(b) "'Tis the season for giving, not stealing!" - Shaft

***Youngblood, Vol. 1, Issue #2***

Well, hello there, THIRD YOUNGBLOOD TEAM.  This issue has the new group travel  to an (An-)Arctic base to uncover a super-solider created in 1937, then placed in suspended animation.  However there's some sort of inter-dimensional angle as well.  If you're thinking that he sounds an awful lot like Captain America mixed with Shatterstar... well, you're EXACTLY right.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet John Prophet

Oh, and there's a new team of villains, too.  Not AT ALL confusing, Rob.

Favorite Line: "From unconsciousness you came, and, if necessary, to unconsciousness you shall return!" - Combat.  Yes, his name is COMBAT.

***Youngblood, Vol. 1, Issue #3***

Another type-o stands out like a sore thumb: "Lisence".  Anyway, the issue goes back to the Home Team, as leader Shaft expresses his disdain for the merchandising of Youngblood - specifically how team member "Bedrock" (more on him later) has four separate action figures.  This is particularly curious, because everything about this comic concept screams "I want to make as much money through merchandising as I possibly can!"

The Home Team fights ANOTHER new villain team, and yet ANOTHER team is "previewed" on the last page.  Confused yet?  Look, I've read all the comics and I'm STILL just as confused.

Favorite line: "He loses his sword. I give it back. (STAB)" - Shaft

***Youngblood, Vol. 1 - Issue #4***

I love this cover.  "In Final Battle!" I believe it's in Engrish. It also finally dawned on me that Chapel (aka Punisher) is the guy that killed Al Simmons in Spawn.  Anyway, due to the dimensional fighting shenanigans of the 3rd Youngblood team last issue, the Home Team travels to Berlin to help them.  Well, so much for the concept of a "HOME" Team.  There's no sign of the 2nd or 3rd teams, other than a passing reference to the 3rd team being defeated off-panel.

Now, let's talk about "Bedrock", who I identified as "The Thing" on the cover of Issue #0.  I actually had heard a story about him - that his name didn't stay "Bedrock" for very long (it was changed in Issue #6 to "Badrock").  The story goes that Liefeld folded under threat of litigation from Hanna-Barbera for infringing on their "Flintstones" rights.  I thought that was kind of stretching it, from H-B's perspective.  Sure, Bedrock was the name of Fred and Barney's hometown, but SO WHAT?
Then I saw Bedrock use his Liefeld-driven catchphrase (get it?  Like Ben Grimm's "It's clobberin' time?"): "YABBA DABBA DOOM!"  I swear I didn't make that up.

Proof that the Captain America
"boobs" image was NOT a mistake

Anyway, the Home team meets Prophet, and some random fighting ensues.  On the last page of the issue, it teases that the storyline will be "Concluded in Brigade #4".  WTF?  I did a quick internet search and found out that there was never a comic called "Brigade" (from Liefeld/Image, at least).  The next issue of Youngblood is #5, and none of the storylines were numbered.  Is this some dangling plot-thread never to be resolved?

***Youngblood, Vol. 1, Issue #5***

Never mind.  The story continues.  False alarm.  Whew.

Liefeld is missing from this issue.  Some guy called "Chap Yaep" draws it. Fortunately, Rob was still able to phone in the "plot".  Thanks, buddy.  On one page, the narration references a "legion of winged demons", and shows ONE attacking a character.  Turn the page, and one-silhouette later, the narration explains that they've all been defeated.  Now THAT's efficiency.

This issue only has 14 pages of story.  And remember Die-Hard?  He's in the "boob" photo above.  He's missing for the entire issue, but fortunately reappears leaning against a wall on page 12.  Thank God he's okay.

***Youngblood, Vol. 1, Issue #6***

Oh look, the Home Team as all-new costumes!  Oh look, a NEW Home Team, "Youngblood of Tomorrow" is introduced! More characters = more better!  Good thing Liefeld's back on the art team.  I was worried.

There's nothing quite as sad as when you're a super-hero, you get a new
costume, and then you get replaced by characters even more "eXtreme".

Let's take a look at the new team:  We have "Knight Sabre" - a guy with a bo staff.  He also has a coat.  He also has an accent.  There's no possible way he could be a ripoff of Gambit, right?  What're his powers?  Well, he can "absorb aggression", and channel it as an energy beam, emitted from his staff.  That is COMPLETELY different than Gambit, who can "absorb kinetic energy" and channel it as an energy blast through his playing cards.

And not for nothing, but of all the characters Liefeld's created in his over 20 years in the business, only, like, FIVE haven't carried one or more swords.  Now he creates a guy called "Knight Sabre" - who wields a bo staff.  Very strange choice.

Pay no attention to the disappearing/
reappearing crouissant-piece on
Lt. Col. Bravo's head. Move along...

Next we have "DieHard" - No, not THAT DieHard.  A new one.  He's a clone, remember?  But what happened to the other DieHard, you ask?  Don't worry, he's still on one of the other Youngblood teams.  Two guys, same name, nearly the same look? Not-at-all confusing.

Finally, we have "Bartholomew J. Troll" - I have nothing further to say about him.  Well, other than it was pointed out to me that his initials are "BJ Troll".  That's pretty awesome.

The story itself starts out with an introduction to ANOTHER new character, "Lieutenant Colonel Bravo" - who is ABSOLUTELY NOT Cable on an Akira-Motorcycle.  He shows up for a couple pages, and then also disappears completely.

After the non-sequitur change from Bravo to Youngblood of Tomorrow, they fight yet another batch of new villains.  I'm reminded that I only have four issues left to read.

That lucky, lucky lady.

The final  pages of the comic belong to Liefeld drawing a marriage proposal to his girlfriend.  You know, it would be easy to try to mock it.  But hey, I've seen Jumbo-Tron proposals at ball games, so as "tacky" goes... there's much worse out there.  My only complaint, I suppose, is that we had to pay $3.50 to witness this part of his relationship.  And it's 3-or-4 pages long.  Okay, I take it all back.  That's tacky as hell.

 ***Youngblood, Vol. 1, Issue #7***

I apologize if my re-capping skills are losing steam.  It only echoes my issue notes, which echoed my ever-worsening depression while reading.

Badrock goes skiing and fights Overtkill from Spawn.  The fight supposedly concludes in "Team Youngblood #11" (it's odd that the spin-off book is further along than the "main" book.  Anyone want to lay odds on Liefeld's involvement - and therefore on-timeness - with the spin-off?)  Shaft has a dream he eats until he's obese.  Troll takes a shower.  Chapel (hey kids! Remember him?) gets even more pouches, and crap hanging off of his back.  Chapel's story continues in a Spawn comic.

Favorite line: "A little known piece of super-hero trivia: they can't sing." - Narrator

***Youngblood, Vol. 1, Issue #8***

Lt. Col. Bravo returns!  ANOTHER set of villains!  Liefeld draws Spawn with cross-stitching.  The Home Team roster changes!  Oh, and that guy WarWolf in the pic over there? Absolutely, positively NOT Sabertooth from Marvel.  Nope.  In fact, I resent the suggestion  that he's inspired by another character.  Totally original.  How dare you.

Favorite part: The casual reference that some character died in "Team Youngblood #10" without telling us who it was.

You know, now that I look at it, BJ Troll has a pretty
sweet rack as well.  Also, that is NOT Shatterstar at center.

***Youngblood, Vol. 1, Issue #9***

Once again, Liefeld takes some well-deserved time off and hands over the writing/art duties to someone else - this time, Jim Valentino.  The action from #8 comes to a complete halt, and we're served a stand-alone issue about how Badrock becomes a Hollywood starlet only to find out that his newly-optioned TV show is (wah wah waaaaah!) a Three Stooges-esque cartoon, complete with pies-in-faces.

***Youngblood, Vol. 1, Issue #10***

Liefeld returns to end the landmark first volume of his "tentpole franchise".  The storyline with Spawn kinda-sorta concludes (not without referencing "Youngblood Strikefile #1-4" and "Bloodstrike #7-10").  Chapel literally AND figuratively shoots himself in the head.

At the end of the issue, the story is STILL unresolved, and the reader is teased that the action will continue in "eXtreme Sacrifice", some mega-crossover title coming soon.

---------
So, that's the end of Yougblood, Volume 1.  I really couldn't make sense of it.  But they're are 3 more volumes, two spin-offs, and a bunch of specials/crossovers. So there's still hope.

I exit this blog post with an ad that only appeared in Issue #1.  I wonder if there's still time to join?